-Joke of the Day-
Needle Are Not Nice
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"
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What Are You In For?
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
Joke of the month
One night 4 university students were boozing till late and didn't study for the exam which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and disheveled as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the examiner and told him that they had gone out to a wedding the night before and on the way back the tire of their car had burst and they had had to push it all the way back, so they were in no condition to sit the test.
The examiner was a just person so he said, "OK you can have a retest after 3 days." They promised they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the examiner again. He told them that it was to be a special condition test and all four were required to sit in separate rooms for the exam. They all agreed, as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 marks.
Here are the questions:-
Q1. Write down your name. (2 marks)
Q2. Which car tire burst? (98 marks)
Liver and Cheese
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine.
Why can't you love me for who I am?
This joke was given by Mr. WildRice, so enjoy it guys.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Bryan, if you ever ever do the same thing like Mr. Wildrice I swear I will choke you and suffocate you til black and blue. That is the worst feeling ever...Going shopping empty handed.
Hmmmmm, I hate them both....
Not me, Miss Toad. I don’t hate the girl.Originally Posted by Little_Toad
Hmmmmm, I hate them both....
OK, call me conservative, but for goodness sake, she is a girlfriend. What does he expect? If she were his wife, well ... there may be some sort of bedroom obligations, which either wife or husband may have to give in, but girlfriend and wife are two separate species.
And the fact that he was planning a payback really disappointed me! I understand it was just a joke, but I was about to cry.
But there is hope, still. They weren’t married. She can always find a better man.
That's what the "Thanks button" is for..
Bị ký đầu ... đau quá ...
...and he can find a better woman in case that both of them can learn how to love the partner more than he/she loves himself/herself. We should learn to give not to receive, shouldn't we?
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