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Last edited by di13; Jan 23, 2009 at 12:25 AM.
(1) Hi di13, I hope I am not too strict nor overwhelming you with the corrections. It is wonderful to see you trying to express yourself in writing. Keep it up, and I'm sure you will be better day by day. I am not that great with grammar and explanation, but I read from a reader perspective. I hope you don't mind.
- Jason was AN FBI. (Here you would use “an” because we pronounce “F” as “eff”, which in this case is a vowel sound.)
- He caught a ton (exactly one ton? When you use “a”, it specifies that it’s in the exact amount of quantity of “one”. If you want to use exaggeration here, omit “a” and use “tons” instead) of bad people that sold illegal drug (“drugs”, because immediately after this you start listing a few drug names, not just one) like cocaine, nicotine, et cetera …
- Jason risked his life for his job; therefore, his paycheck is very big. (I hope you see the mismatch here. You used the past tense for one part of the sentence, and the present tense for the latter. Your tenses in a sentence must be parallel and consistent, unless you have a good reason such as “cause-and-effect” to change the tense in the middle of the sentence. I don’t see that here. Just a side note here, once you start telling a story, you need to know what tense the story will be in. Is Jason still an FBI or is he already retired? From the start of your writing, I had the impression that Jason is not an FBI anymore. However, suddenly you switched from past to present, I’m a bit confused now of his status.)
- Jason also wins big bucks from horse race because his close friend works in there. (“his close friend works THERE” would be just fine. You don’t necessarily need to say he works IN there, for “in there” would physically mean “he works inside that building”.)
- His friend gives him some INSIDE INFORMATION and good tips so that Jason KNOWS which horse runS fast that day. (You don’t need to use “will know” here so that the tenses in the sentence remain the same, and thus it is easier to understand)
- SHOUD I believe him? (When you want to show that you are skeptical, shorten your sentence and avoid using OR in the same sentence. Using “or” will have them start questioning themselves and might not see your perspective.)
- MAYBE he IS just baloney?
- He was retired when he was forty-five years old. (He RETIRED or he WAS retired by the FBI? Remember to make the subject as active as possible unless it is necessary to use passive voice.)
- How many people out there WOULD STILL have muscles with six packs at this age?
- How many of you out there WOULD have millions OF U.S dollars for back up?
- Can I ape from him? No, I cannot because I am so weak. (Ahh, I see that you’re trying to use a new word. However, “ape” as a verb meaning “to copy something or someone badly and unsuccessfully”. Are you sure you still want to use the word “ape” in this sentence now?)
- I cannot even kill the ant. If I step outside, the wind will blow me always. (I don’t see how you “mentally” cannot kill the ant but the wind will be able to blow you away “physically”. It’s very nice to use comparison in your writing, however, try using the same kind of analogy rather than two things that are impossible to compare.)
iProposeThanks sis. for correct grammar/vocabulary. I will rewrite it sometime tomorrow. My purpose is to improve in writting. I love someone that correct grammar for me
I love someone that correct grammar for me = I appreciate someone that correct grammar for me hehe viết hoài sai hoài ta
(2) Hi Di13,
I once read this sentence, "True wealth cannot be found in your bank account. It can only be found in those you call friends." It's true that if you save your money penny by penny, eventually you'll be a millionaire. And it is true that if you don't use your money wisely, you'll end up somewhere under a bridge eventually. However, like the sentence above, your true wealth is not determined by the money, but it is many other important things in your life, that makes you who you are, and that's your true value. I can only see that you have a quite ... sarcastic (if not strictly bitter) personality and view about life from the way you use your words. Just remember that, if you will it, you will have it.
- Di13, pay more attention on your Present tense. To form a question with present tense, you should use “Do/Does” to begin your sentence instead of “Are/Is”.
- The date Sandy was born, Sandy cut her own hair. (This is a little bit exaggerated, how can she cut her own hair when she was just born).
- Her hands are shaking and her eyes are blurring. Sandy cannot cuts her hair by herself anymore.
- Sandy went to the salon and asked receptionist OF how much for A hair cut.
- The receptionist replied, “Twenty dollars for hair cut includING shampoo.” Sandy rolled her eyes and left.
- She doesn't want to spend money although she has millions OF dollar. (When you use “millions, or hundreds, or thousands” make sure to use OF if you want to indicate what it is.)
- Sòai IS an idiot that why Soai's credit cards’ BALANCES keep increasing. (Without the balance, I would think that she has more credit cards and not just the amount on the credit cards. It’s up to you to use what you mean to say.)
A few minor suggestions.
Jason was an FBI "agent" (don't forget the noun "agent"). He caught a ton (questionable with "tons" due to its role as an adjective usually being of singular form, so would "numerous" be adequate?) of bad people that sold illegal drugs like("like" usually pertains to a "one to one" comparison, "such as" is perhaps more appropriate here) cocaine, nicotine et cetera …Jason risked his life for his job; therefore, his paycheck is very big (good use of the ";" but is this a "cause and effect"?; disjointly they are perfectly fine sentences, I would urge you to restate it however). Jason also wins big bucks from horse race because his close friend works "in"(not required) there. His friend gives him "some" (perhaps "inside" or nothing?) secrets and good tips so that Jason will know which horse "run fast that day" (keeping with the "cause and effect" theme, "horse will win" is more direct). Jason told me that he always has at least one million dollars in his saving account for back up. Do I believe him or not? Is he may be just baloney? He was retired when he was forty-five years old. At age sixty, Jason still goes to the gym six times per week. He looks very strong, healthy and tough. How many people out there those have muscles with six packs at this age? How many of you out there those have millions U.S dollars for back up? Can I ape from him? No, I cannot because I am so weak. I cannot even kill the ant. If I step outside, the wind will blow me always. (I agree with the remaining suggestions provided by Ipropose, and hesitate to add more concurrently)
Good luck on your quest
tamtungtegieng, thanks for rewrote it for me hehehe oh !!! I mean thanks for corrected grammar (past tense ???)
Let me combine iPropose's "GC" and tamtungtegieng's "GC" together and I rewrite it again hehehe
1) Jason was an FBI agent.( "an" before a word beginning with a vowel sound ... Jason was a Federal Bureau of Investigation. Is "a" before a word beginning with a consonant sound?)
2) He caught tons/numerous of bad people that sold illegal drugs such as cocaine, nicotine et cetera ...( a ton, a dozen, a couple )
3) Jason risked his life for his job; however, his paycheck was very big. ( His paycheck have been paying very big ??? past, present and may continue in the future ??? paid in the past and extends in the present ... They are still paying him due to the contract. Present perfect tense? Past perfect tense? Future perfect tense? I forget the rule because I took basic grammar class many years ago. I rarely write in English. I think this is a good excuse hehehe no offense)
4) Jason also wins big bucks from horse race because his close friend works there.
5) His friend gives him inside secrets and good tips so that Jason knows which horse runs fast that day. ( Somehow I want to keep the word "secrets" there hehehe What if I give you a secret why that horse run slow that day? Because someone cut his toes too short, he feels uncomfortable hehehehe)
6) Should I believe him? (
7) May be he is just baloney?
8) How many people out there would still have muscles with six packs at this age?
9) How many of you out there would have millions of U.S dollars for back up?
When will I use the words "should" and "would" ? Dì13 take a break now. I need to go outside for fresh air. I will rewrite second paragraph sometime tomorrow. Opp !!! I mean sometime next week. Opp !!! I mean whenever I am in the mood hehehe Thanks again iPropose and tamtungtegieng
purpose ==>>> grammar
A few suggestions.
I took Basic English Grammar ("basic" or "Basic" depends on whether the word was an actual part of the title for the class; your differentiation is required) class when I were ("was" is correct here, "if...were" requires a different condition; in this case with the explanation being a specific reference in time and condition it will be "if....was") in Lê Quí Đôn elementary school some where in Đà Nẵng, Vietnam. All of the students in my school must took ("must take" is correct here; your reference to a past time is understood here, besides "must" is an auxiliary verb which takes precedence throughout time and will combine with all other verbs in present-tense form) either English or French class. Some how my teacher made me "took"("take" due to "made" being past-tense and similar reasoning as previously stated) English over French class. The class was about forty minutes ("long" ??) twice per week. I felt sleep ("felt sleepy" or "fell asleep"...???) in the ("the" may be omitted depending on situation, this class only or other classes as well?) class all the time. I did not learn much then. All I heard my teacher said "that" ("were" instead of "that") subject plus verb then plus complement(?) is equal ("to") a sentence. After two semesters, I have known twenty-six ("letters of the alphabet", unless you learned 26 different "alphabets") alphabet, how to count from one to ("a") hundred and how to write simple sentences. Finally, I graduated from elementary school.
Good luck on your quest.
tamtungtegieng, thanks
1) I was in Lê Quí Đôn elementary school some where in Đà Nẵng, Vietnam.
2) All of the students in my school must take either English or French class
3) Some how my teacher made me take English over French class.
4) The class was about forty minutes long twice per week.
5) I felt sleepy/asleep in the English class all the time.( subject + verb + adjective = a sentene )
6) The subject plus the verb then plus the complement is equal to a sentence.
7) I have known twenty-six letters of the alphabet in English.
8) I have known how to count from one to a hundred.
Is there any more mistake that I make? I doubt it. Self correct vocabulary. Middle school instead of elementary school because sixth grade require to take either English or French class in Đà Nẵng,Vietnam. The school that where I attended.
It doesn't matter where we live. Vietnamese people live in Vietnam, Vietnamese people live in the U.S or Vietnamese people live in any other countries. No need to discriminate because we are all human being, we are all equal. I see a lot of children live in Vietnam speak English fluently where as some people live in U.S cannot. No offense !!! because I am not fluent in English too !!!
Let's see if you can detect your own mistake now!
I felt sleepy/asleep in the English class all the time
di13, try to reason to yourself why there is a difference of "felt sleepy" and "fell asleep"; it's the next logical step in your quest to improve yourself.
How about this one, can you tell me what you think the mistake is? Hint: verb tense. Once you have discovered it, convince yourself of why English-Vietnamese translation requires such a minute exchange but a vast difference in context.Is there any more mistake that I make?
On a general note, I think we welcome ALMOST everyone here; with the key notion of help, understanding and continual improvement. Shall such purpose cease to exist, those individuals are less than welcome.
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