Ok, teacher Bear
Ok, teacher Bear
Dear Mr. Bear,
I checked and finished my misspelling correction. And here are two essays of mine. Thanks for your comments above.
How can schools be more appealing to children / pupils?
Not everyone agree with me but I strongly believe schools can be more appealing to children in three ways as follows.
In one side, schools should have flexible classes for children, for example classes for foreign languages. However, I think schools should let children choose their favourite ones which are different from English. Besides that, children can be taught how to play musical instruments, arts, or ballet, and so on. Classrooms, over all things, have to be always clean and equipped with modern facilities, including language labs, library, gymnasiums, or chemical laboratory,and so on. One more thing, schools should have private buses to transport children returning to their homes safely after schooltime.
In the other hand, there should have some interesting environment of relaxation, for instance the zoo, playground,or swimming pool. Students can relax at there healthily in breaktime instead of playing violent and harmful computer games. In addition, competitions should be organized every year relating to historical issuses, art, fashion, or educational something else among children in a school. This can help students be more confident to show themselves. Furthermore, throughout such interesting competitions, children, those who have talents, could be discovered and more trained. In summer holidays, tours to wild places will help students widen their knowledges about natural life. Places where children should be encouraged to visit are such as Monkey island in Ho Chi Minh city, Nam Cat Tien forest, or U Minh forest, and so forth. Thanks to such tours, children will have real lessons about life and sense of protecting living environment more.
In conclusion, these are only some of my own opinions. However, I believe that each school has better ways to be attractive children. Besides studying, extra curricular activities will make children feel comfortable and strongly confident as well as more and more they love their schools.
Children can’t choose who their real friends are. Do you agree or disagree?
Children are the valuable fortune to parents. So, parents always take care of their children carefully from eating, drinking, studying, to relaxing. In which, children’s making friends is the extremely important thing in parents’ mind. I would be a mother in the future, so I absolutely agree children cannot choose who their real friends are because of following reasons.
Firstly, children cannot choose who their real friends are is due to their immaturity. In fact, they are not perfect enough in mental and physical growth, and they often live following to the instincts. For instance, they scramble for food, or beautiful toys. Eventhough, they are willing to fight together to own something only. Secondly, children lack of living skills, such as thinking and controlling themselves skills. First of all, about thinking skill, they do not know how to distinguish what is good or bad, and select who to make friends. When they lack two things above, they can be infected something bad easily from others, including talking nonsense words, rude behaviours, or bad habits, and so on. Next, in the case that children lack of controlling themselves, they tend to be interested in dangerous games which are not permitted children to play. Some children are so active that they dare to ride motorbike, or imitate doing magic perfomance of circus actors. As a result, unexpected accidents can happen to children. Futhermore, comments of bad friends when playing such dangerous games create illusions in children’ mind and they more and more keep away their parents, eventhough they ignore their parents’ advice.
To sum up, Children have to be loved and looked after mental as well as physical health carefully. If children grow up without good education, they will be obstacle of development for society. I think parents should not forbid their children to make friends, instead of teaching children necessary skills to choose who their real friends are.
Last edited by hoaly; Jul 16, 2012 at 01:02 PM.
Not everyone agree (subject verb agreement) with me but I strongly believe schools can be more appealing to children in three ways as follows.Originally Posted by hoaly
In one side, schools should have flexible classes for children, for example classes for foreign languages. However, I think schools should let children choose their favourite ones (languages or subjects) which are different from English (This sentence means that English is not one of students’ favorite subject. Is that what you mean?). Besides that (delete: that), children can be taught how to play musical instruments, arts, or ballet, and so on [1]. Classrooms, over all things (what is the significance of “over all thing”? Does it help clarifying or adding value to your writing?), have to be always clean and equipped with modern facilities, including language labs, library, gymnasiums, or chemical laboratory, and so on [1](how can classrooms include lab, library, or gymnasium?). One more thing (In addition), schools should have (provide) private buses to transport children returning to their homes safely after schooltime (spelling) (to take children to school and bring them home safely).
In (on) the other hand, there should have (be) some interesting environment of relaxation, for instance (comma) the zoo, playground, or swimming pool. Students can relax at (delete: at)there (spelling) healthily (healthily is does not make sense in this sentence)in (during)breaktime (spelling) instead of playing violent and harmful computer games. In addition, competitions should be organized every year (move “should be organized every year” to the end of the sentence) relating (related) to historical issuses (spelling), art, fashion, or educational something else (or educational subjects) among children in a school. This can help students be more confident to show (replace “to show” with “in”) themselves. Furthermore, throughout such interesting competitions, children, those who have talents, (talented children) could be discovered and more trained (trained further). In (during) summer holidays, tours to wild places (nature tours) will help students widen their knowledges (knowledge is uncountable) about natural life. Places where children should be encouraged to visit are such as (could be) Monkey island (Island) in Ho Chi Minh city (City), Nam Cat Tien forest (Forest), or U Minh forest (Forest), and so forth [1]. Thanks to such tours, children will have real lessons about life and (add: a) sense of protecting living environment more.
In conclusion, these are only some of my own opinions. However, I believe that each school has (should have) better ways to be attractive children. Besides studying, extra curricular (one word) activities will make children feel comfortable and strongly (delete strongly) confident as well as more and more they love their schools (revise this clause. “Comfortable”, “confident” and “more and more they love their schools” are not parallel).
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[1] This is a new rule for you: do not use “and so on”, “etc”, or “and so forth” in your next writing. They are ambiguous and not recommended.
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Your writing has improved. Keep up the good work. Make sure you understand my corrections. Try not to be wordy. Revise this essay as corrected, and apply the corrections to your next essay.
Dear Mr. Bear,
"I think schools should let children choose their favourite ones (languages or subjects) which are different from English " . Dạ ý hoaly muốn diễn đạt là các trường học nên để trẻ em học một ngoại ngữ mà trẻ em thích chứ không nhất thiết là tất cả phải học tiếng Anh. Hoaly will rewrite the essay following to your correction. Thanks a alot!
Last edited by hoaly; Jul 18, 2012 at 10:42 PM.
If that is the case, you should write:
I think schools should let children choose their favorite language, which is not necessary to be English (or, which may not be English, which may be different from English).
“Which is not necessary to be English” means không nhất thiết phải là English.
“Which may not be English” means mà có thể không chỉ là English.
"Which may be different from English" means mà có thể khác với English
Your sentence "which are different from English" means "nhưng khác với English" or "chứ không phải là English."
hoaly (Jul 20, 2012)
Dear Mr. Bear,
I rewrote the essay above. Here it is.
How can schools be more appealing to children / pupils?
Not everyone agrees with me but I strongly believe schools can be more appealing to children in three ways as follows.
In one side, schools should have flexible classes for children, for example classes for foreign languages. However, I think schools should let children choose their favourite languages which may not be English. Besides , children can be taught how to play musical instruments, arts, or ballet. Schools have to be always clean and equipped with modern facilities, including language labs, library, gymnasiums, or chemical laboratory. In addition, schools should provide private buses to take children to school and bring them home safely.
On the other hand, there should be some interesting environment of relaxation, for instance the zoo, playground,or swimming pool. Students can relax there during break time instead of playing violent and harmful computer games. In addition, competitions, related to historical issuses, art, fashion, or educational subjects, should be organized every year among children in a school. This can help children be more confident in themselves. Furthermore, throughout such interesting competitions, talented children could be discovered and trained further. During summer holidays, nature tours will help children widen their knowledge about natural life. Places where children should be encouraged to visit are could be Monkey Island in Ho Chi Minh city, Nam Cat Tien Forest, or U Minh Forest. Thanks to such tours, children will have real lessons about life and a sense of protecting living environment more.
In conclusion, these are only some of my own opinions. However, I believe that each school should have better ways to be attractive children. Besides studying, children are felt more comfortable and confident by extra activities. That is the reason they love their schools.
And Please correct this essy for me. Thanks Teacher Bear!
Children can’t choose who their real friends are. Do you agree or disagree?
Children are the valuable fortune to parents. So, parents always take care of their children carefully from eating, drinking, studying, to relaxing. In which, children’s making friends is the extremely important thing in parents’ mind. I would be a mother in the future, so I absolutely agree children cannot choose who their real friends are because of following reasons.
Firstly, children cannot choose who their real friends are is due to their immaturity. In fact, they are not perfect enough in mental and physical growth, and they often live following to the instincts. For instance, they scramble for food, or beautiful toys. Eventhough, they are willing to fight together to own something only. Secondly, children lack of living skills, such as thinking and controlling themselves skills. First of all, about thinking skill, they do not know how to distinguish what is good or bad, and select who to make friends. When they lack two things above, they can be infected something bad easily from others, including talking nonsense words, rude behaviours, or bad habits. Next, in the case that children lack of controlling themselves, they tend to be interested in dangerous games which are not permitted children to play. Some children are so active that they dare to ride motorbike, or imitate doing magic perfomance of circus actors. As a result, unexpected accidents can happen to children. Futhermore, comments of bad friends when playing such dangerous games create illusions in children’ mind and they more and more keep away their parents, eventhough they ignore their parents’ advice.
To sum up, Children have to be loved and looked after mental as well as phisical health carefully. If Children grow up without good education, they will be obstacle of development for society. I think parents should not forbid their children to make friends, instead of teaching children necessary skills to choose who their real friends are.
Children can’t choose who their real friends are. Do you agree or disagree? (The question is ambiguous. Does the term “can’t choose” mean that children are not allowed to choose or children are not capable of chosing?)
Children are the valuable fortune to parents. So (Therefore), parents always take care of their children carefully from eating, drinking, studying, to relaxing. In which (What is “which”?), children’s making friends is the (an) extremely important thing in parents’ mind. I would (will) be a mother in the future, so I absolutely agree (add: that) children cannot choose who their real friends are because of following reasons.
Firstly, children cannot (children’s not being able to) choose who their real friends are is due to their immaturity. In fact, they are not perfect (mature) enough in mental and physical growth, and they often live following to the instincts (often follow their instincts or live by instincts). For instance, they scramble for food, (delete the comma) or beautiful toys. Eventhough (spelling), they are willing to fight together to own something only (what do you mean?). Secondly, children lack of living (life) skills, such as thinking and controlling themselves skills (such as skills to think and control themselves). First of all, about thinking skill, they do not know how to distinguish what is good or bad, and select who to make friends. When they lack two things (what are the two things?) above, they can be infected something bad easily from others (they can be negatively influenced by others), including talking nonsense words, rude behaviours, or bad habits. Next, in the case that children lack of controlling themselves, they tend to be interested in dangerous games which are not permitted children to play (that are not suitable for children to play). Some children are so active that they dare to ride motorbike, or imitate doing magic perfomance (spelling) of circus actors (imitate circus performers to do dangerous magic). As a result, unexpected accidents can happen to children. Futhermore (spelling), comments of bad friends when playing such dangerous games create illusions in children’ mind and they more and more keep away their parents, eventhough (spelling) they ignore their parents’ advice (what do you mean?).
To sum up, Children (why do you capitalize Children?) have to be loved and looked after mental as well as phisical (spelling) health carefully (children need to be loved, and their mental and physical health need to be looked after carefully). If Children grow up without good education, they will be obstacle of development for society (what do you mean?). I think parents should not forbid their children to make friends, instead of teaching children necessary skills to choose who their real friends are (I think parents should not forbid children to make friends. Instead, they should teach the children the skill to choose real friends).
Dear Mr. Bear,
_"Children can’t choose who their real friends are. Do you agree or disagree?" is the name of the topic to write an essay. I think it means that children are not capable of chosing who their real friend are.
_they are willing to fight together to own something only (what do you mean?).Ý Hoaly là chúng( những đứa trẻ) sẵn sàng đánh nhau chỉ để sở hữu 1 món đồ gì đó.
_comments of bad friends when playing such dangerous games create illusions in children’ mind and they more and more keep away their parents, eventhough (spelling) they ignore their parents’ advice (what do you mean?): Những lời ca tụng của bạn bè xấu khi chúng chơi những trò chơi nguy hiểm như vậy sẽ tạo nên những ảo tưởng trong đầu của những đứa trẻ, và chúng ngày càng xa lánh ba mẹ, thậm chí là chúng phớt lờ những lời khuyên răn của ba mẹ.
_If Children grow up without good education, they will be obstacle of development for society (what do you mean?): Nếu trẻ em lớn lên không được học hành tử tế thì chúng sẽ là gánh nặng cho xã hội.
I will try my best to rewrite the essay more clearly. Thank you for your correcting so much!
They are willing to fight to get what they want.
They are willing to resolve their differences with fistfight.
Praises from bad friends when involved in dangerous games give children the impression that they are invincible, pulling them apart from their parents and encouraging them to ignore their parents’ advice.
If children are not properly taught while growing up, they will become a burden to society.
hoaly (Aug 3, 2012)
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