Hoaly's Writing

[hoaly]

What are some advantages and problems of shopping online?

In my experience, There are some advantages and problems of shopping online as follows. To begine with, I would like to mention some goods of points about shopping online. Firstly, shopping online brings you convinience, that is saving your time. Instead of going around markets under the sun, you can stay in bed or somewhere and choose products you want to buy through a computer connected with the internet. Secondly, shopping online , you can buy goods which you cannot find them easily in the markets or supermarkets. For example, you want to buy electrical toothbrushes , you cannot waste of time looking for around because not all of markets are supermarkets aslo have electrical toothbrushes to seel for you. And shopping online, what all you have to do is a computer mouse click only. Moreover, there are various kinds of goods for your choice. Thirdly, You do not have to suffer unfriendly look from shop assistants in the case that you cannot choose any products suitable for you. Finally, You do not need to bargin because the price of products is enclosed. If you are lucky, you can buy products sale off from 50 up to 70 percent. However, shopping online has some disadvantages. First, you must wait at least one day to receive the product. Second, you cannot check quality of products before you buy. Finally, sometimes, there are tricksters who want to cheat custommers online. In that case, you either receive wrong products or nothing after you sent shop assistants online some money. You know nothing about them except their mobile phone. You call them but you receive no any reply. In conclusion, shopping online has some advantages and problems as above. If you do not have enough belief in shopping online and do not want to loose your money. It is bettet you should not buy anything on the internet.

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[Bear Lac Loi]

What are some advantages and problems of shopping online?

In my experience, There are some advantages and problems of shopping online as follows. To begine with, I would like to mention some goods of points about shopping online. Firstly, shopping online brings you convinience, that is saving your time. Instead of going around markets under the sun, you can stay in bed or somewhere and choose products you want to buy through a computer connected with the internet. Secondly, shopping online , you can buy goods which you cannot find them easily in the markets or supermarkets. For example, you want to buy electrical toothbrushes , you cannot waste of time looking for around because not all of markets are supermarkets aslo have electrical toothbrushes to seel for you. And shopping online, what all you have to do is a computer mouse click only. Moreover, there are various kinds of goods for your choice. Thirdly, You do not have to suffer unfriendly look from shop assistants in the case that you cannot choose any products suitable for you. Finally, You do not need to bargin because the price of products is enclosed. If you are lucky, you can buy products sale off from 50 up to 70 percent. However, shopping online has some disadvantages. First, you must wait at least one day to receive the product. Second, you cannot check quality of products before you buy. Finally, sometimes, there are tricksters who want to cheat custommers online. In that case, you either receive wrong products or nothing after you sent shop assistants online some money. You know nothing about them except their mobile phone. You call them but you receive no any reply. In conclusion, shopping online has some advantages and problems as above. If you do not have enough belief in shopping online and do not want to loose your money. It is bettet you should not buy anything on the internet.

In my experience, There (why do we need to capitalize “T”?) are some advantages and problems of shopping online as follows. To begine (spelling) with, I would like to mention some goods of points about shopping online. Firstly, shopping online brings you convinience (spelling), that is (such as) saving your time. Instead of going around markets under the sun, you can stay in bed or somewhere and choose (add: the) products you want to buy through a computer connected with the internet. Secondly, (add: by) shopping online , (no spaces before a comma) you can buy goods which you cannot find them (delete: them) easily in the markets or supermarkets. For example, you want to buy electrical toothbrushes , (no spaces before a comma) you cannot waste of (delete: of) time looking for (add: them) around because not all of markets are (or) supermarkets aslo (spelling) have electrical toothbrushes to seel (spelling) for (delete: for) you. (revised: For example, when you want to buy electrical toothbrushes, you do not want to waste time going to markets or supermarkets because many do not carry them). And (when) shopping online, what all you have to do is a computer mouse click only (when shopping online, you only need is a computer). Moreover, there are various kinds of goods for your choice. Thirdly, You (why do we need to capitalize Y?) do not have to suffer unfriendly looks from shop assistants in the case that (when) you cannot choose any products suitable for you. Finally, You (why do we need to capitalize Y?) do not need to bargin (spelling) because the price of (add: the) products is enclosed (shown). If you are lucky, you can buy (add: the) products (add: on) sale off from 50 up to 70 percent (on sale, which is 50 to 70 percent off). However, shopping online has some disadvantages. First, you must wait at least one day to receive the product. Second, you cannot check (add: the) quality of (add: the) products before you buy. Finally, sometimes, there are tricksters (those) who want to cheat custommers (spelling) online. In that case, you either receive wrong products or nothing after you sent (add: the) shop assistants online some money. You know nothing about them except their mobile phone. You (add: may) call them but you receive no any (delete: any) reply. In conclusion, shopping online has some advantages and problems as above. If you do not have enough belief (faith) in shopping online and do not want to loose your money. (comma) It is bettet (spelling) you should not buy anything on the internet.

--- o0o ---

Hoaly,

I felt quite uncomfortable correcting your essay because of so many careless mistakes and misspelling words. I expect students to check their writing carefully for simple mistakes before submittal. In addition, I would like to see the introduction, the body, and the conclusion in separate paragraphs. I also recommend that you use a more formal tone when writing.

Please re-write this essay. I hope you will review your essay more carefully the next time.

[hoaly]

Dear Mr Bear,
I would like to thank you for your correcting my essay so much. I will be more careful when I type and divide parts for my next essay. However, I do not know how to make my essay be more formal when writing. I will try to write the essay again. Thank you so much!

[hoaly]

Dear Mr.Bear,
This is my rewriting for the essay above.

What are some advantages and problems of shopping online?

In my experience, there are some advantages and problems of shopping online as follows.
To begin with, I would like to mention some good points about shopping online. Firstly, shopping online brings you convenience, such as saving your time. Instead of going around markets under the sun, you can stay in bed or somewhere and choose the products you want to buy through a computer connected with the internet. Secondly, by shopping online, you can buy goods which you cannot find easily in the markets or supermarkets. For example, when you want to buy electrical toothbrushes, you do not need to waste time going to markets or supermarkets because many do not carry them. And when shopping online, what all you have to do is a computer mouse click only. Moreover, there are various kinds of goods for your choice. Thirdly, you do not have to suffer unfriendly looks from shop assistants when you cannot choose any products suitable for you. Finally, you do not need to bargain with shop assistants because the price of products is shown. If you are lucky, you can buy products on sale, which is from 50 up to 70 percent off.
In contrast, shopping online has some disadvantages. First, you must wait at least one day to receive the products. Second, you cannot check the quality of the products before you buy. Finally, sometimes, there are tricksters those who want to cheat customers online. In that case, you either receive wrong products or nothing after you sent shop assistants online some money. You know nothing about them except their mobile phone. You may call them but you receive no reply.
In conclusion, shopping online has some advantages and problems as above. If you do not have enough faith in shopping online and do not want to loose your money, it is better you should not buy anything on the internet.

[hoaly]

Please correct this essay for me. Thanks a lot!

What are the benefits and problems of playing sports?

Nowadays, there are many ways for people to relax after work. But in my opinion, playing sports is the most effective relaxation.
I find some benefits of playing sports as follows.
Firstly, playing sports help you decrease risks of getting some diseases, such as blood pressure, heart attact, diabetes, or obesity,ect…and some cancer. In addition, you aslo keep away having high cholesterol in blood. Secondly, playing sports regularly make you feel your body in full of energy. Your muscles and bone will be stronger, and natural oldness and weakness come to you more lately. Thirdly, your mind will be relaxed and get out of stresses quickly and effectively when you play sports, and you can sleep deeply. Finally, playing sports brings you the periodic motion of blood to your body and a ruddy-complexion.
In contrast, there are also some disadvantages of playing sports. First, playing sports in immoderation will make your body exhausted. It is true that playing sports is not effective enough to remain a good health for everyone yet because it also depends on how to keep balance between the nutrtion and practising sports properly. Parallel with, unexpected accidents sometimes occurs form playing sports, such as broken legs or arms, muscle pressureor dizziness,ect…. Lastly, some sports cost you a lot of money, including golf, tennis, motor race,etc…. So, you not only need to choose sports being suitable to your health but also your economic condition.
In brief, playing sports properly will be a good way to remain and improve your health. Because of benefits of playing sports above, you must not have been surprised to know that practising sports regulary will help you live longer and have a happier life.

[Bear Lac Loi]

Please correct this essay for me. Thanks a lot!

What are the benefits and problems of playing sports?

Nowadays, there are many ways for people to relax after work. But in my opinion, playing sports is the most effective relaxation.
I find some benefits of playing sports as follows.
Firstly, playing sports help you decrease risks of getting some diseases, such as blood pressure, heart attact, diabetes, or obesity,ect…and some cancer. In addition, you aslo keep away having high cholesterol in blood. Secondly, playing sports regularly make you feel your body in full of energy. Your muscles and bone will be stronger, and natural oldness and weakness come to you more lately. Thirdly, your mind will be relaxed and get out of stresses quickly and effectively when you play sports, and you can sleep deeply. Finally, playing sports brings you the periodic motion of blood to your body and a ruddy-complexion.
In contrast, there are also some disadvantages of playing sports. First, playing sports in immoderation will make your body exhausted. It is true that playing sports is not effective enough to remain a good health for everyone yet because it also depends on how to keep balance between the nutrtion and practising sports properly. Parallel with, unexpected accidents sometimes occurs form playing sports, such as broken legs or arms, muscle pressureor dizziness,ect…. Lastly, some sports cost you a lot of money, including golf, tennis, motor race,etc…. So, you not only need to choose sports being suitable to your health but also your economic condition.
In brief, playing sports properly will be a good way to remain and improve your health. Because of benefits of playing sports above, you must not have been surprised to know that practising sports regulary will help you live longer and have a happier life.

Nowadays, there are many ways for people to relax after work. But (However,) in my opinion, playing sports is the most effective relaxation. I find some benefits of playing sports as follows.

Firstly, playing sports help you decrease risks of getting some diseases, such as (add: high) blood pressure, heart attact (spelling), diabetes, or obesity, ect… (spelling) and some (add: types of) cancer. In addition, you aslo (spelling) keep away (it helps reducing) having high cholesterol in blood. Secondly, playing sports regularly make (makes) you feel your body in (delete: your body in) full of energy. Your muscles and bone will be stronger, and natural oldness (aging) and weakness come to you more lately (slower). Thirdly, your mind will be relaxed and get out (free) of stresses quickly and effectively when you play sports, and you can sleep deeply. Finally, playing sports brings you the periodic (a harmonic) motion of blood to your body and a ruddy-complexion (what is a ruddy complexion?).

In contrast, there are also some disadvantages of playing sports. First, playing sports in immoderation (excessively) will make your body exhausted. It is true that playing sports is not effective enough to remain a (delete: a) good health for everyone yet because it also depends on how to keep balance between the nutrtion (spelling) and practising sports properly. Parallel with (In addition), unexpected accidents sometimes occurs form (spelling) playing sports, such as broken legs or arms, muscle pressure (comma) or dizziness, ect…. (spelling) Lastly, some sports cost you a lot of money, including golf, tennis, motor race, etc…. So, you not only need to choose sports being (delete: being) suitable to your health but also your economic condition.

In brief, playing sports properly will be (is) a good way to remain and improve your health. Because of (add: the) benefits of playing sports (add: as presented) above, you must not have been (should not be) surprised to know that practising sports regulary (spelling) will help you live longer and have a happier life.

--- o0o ---

Good job, Hoaly.

There are still misspelling errors, but the writing is better and simpler to correct. I would like you to not use “etc…”. Instead, you could use “and so on” because "etc..." would disrupt one's thought. However, do not use them as often as you did in this writing. Please re-write this essay. It is good to practice writing correctly.

Keep up the good work.

[hoaly]

Dear Mr. Bear,
Thank you very much for your correction. Here's my re-writing.

What are the benefits and problems of playing sports?

Nowadays, there are many ways for people to relax after work. However in my opinion, playing sports is the most effective relaxation. I find some benefits of playing sports as follows.

Firstly, playing sports help you decrease risks of getting some diseases, such as high blood pressure, heart attack, diabetes, or obesity,ect…and some types of cancer. In addition, it helps reducing high cholesterol in blood. Secondly, playing sports regularly makes you feel full of energy. Your muscles and bone will be stronger, and natural aging and weakness come to you more slower. Thirdly, your mind will be relaxed and free stresses quickly and effectively when you play sports, and you can sleep deeply. Finally, playing sports brings you the periodic motion of blood to your body and beautiful skin.

In contrast, there are also some disadvantages of playing sports. First, playing sports excessively will make your body exhausted. It is true that playing sports is not effective enough to remain good health for everyone yet because it also depends on how to keep balance between the nutrition and practising sports properly. In addition, unexpected accidents sometimes occurs from playing sports, such as broken legs or arms, muscle pressure or dizziness, and so on…. Lastly, some sports cost you a lot of money, including golf, tennis, motor race, etc…. So, you not only need to choose sports suitable to your health but also your economic condition.

In brief, playing sports properly will be a good way to remain and improve your health. Because of the benefits of playing sports above, you should not be surprised to know that practising sports regularly will help you live longer and have a happier life.

[hoaly]

Please correct this essy for me. Many thanks.

Children can’t choose who their real friends are. Do you agree or disagree?

Children are the valuable fortune to parents. So, parents always take care of their children carefully from eating, drinking, studying, and relaxing, etc…. In which, children’s making friends is extremely important thing in parents’ mind. I would be a mother in the future, so I absolutely agree children cannot choose who their friends are because of following reasons.

Firstly, children cannot choose who their friends are is due to their immaturity. In fact, they are not perfect enough in mental and physical growth, and they often live following to the instincts. For instance, they scramble for food, or beautiful toys. Eventhough, they are willing to fight together to own something only. Secondly, children lack of living skills, such as thinking and controlling themselves skills. First of all, about thinking skill, they do not know how to distinguish what is good or bad, and select who to make friends. When they lack two things above, they can be infected something bad easily from others, including talking nonsense words, rude behaviours, or bad habbits, and so on….Next, in the case that children lack of controlling themselves, they tend to be interested in dangerous games which are not permitted children to play. Some children are so active that they dare to ride motorbike, or imitate doing magic perfommance of circus actors. As a result, unexpected accidents can happen to children. Futhermore, comments of bad friends when playing such dangerous games create illusion in children’ mind and they more and more keep away their parents, eventhough they ignore their parents’ advice.

To sum up, Children have to be loved and looked after mental as well as phisical health carefully. If Children grow up without good education, they will be obstacle of development for society. I think parents should not forbid their children to make friends. Instead of, parents teach children necessary skills to choose who their real friends are.

[hoaly]

And here's one more essay , please correct the two for me. Thank you!

How can schools be more appealing to children / pupils?

Not everyone agree with me but I strongly believe schools can be more appealing to children in three ways as follows.
In one side, schools should have flexible classes for children. For example, classes for foreign languages. However, I think schools should let children choose their favourite ones which are different from English. Besides that, children can be taught how to play musical instruments, arts, or ballet, and so on…. Classrooms, over all things, have to be always clean and equipped with modern facilities, including labs for studying foreign laguages, library, gymnasiums, or liborary,etc…. One more thing, schools should have private buses to transport children returning to their homes safely after schooltime.
In the other hand, there should have some interesting environment of relaxation. For instance, the zoo, playground, swimming pool,ect….Students can relax at there healthily in breaktime instead of playing violent and harmful computer games. In addition, competition should be organized every year relating to historical issuses, art, fashion, or educational something else among children in a school. This can help students be more confident to show themselves. Furthermore, throughout such interesting competitions, children, those who have talents, could be discovered and more trained. In summer holidays, tours to wild places will help students widen their knowledges about natural life. Places where children should be encouraged to visit are such as Monkey island in Ho Chi Minh city, Nam Cat Tien forest, U Minh forest, ect…. Thanks to such tours, children will have real lessons about life and sense of protecting living environment more.
In conclusion, these are only some of my own opinions. However, I believe that each school has better ways to be attractive children. Besides studying, extra curricular activities will make children feel comfortable and strongly confident as well as more and more they love their schools.

[Bear Lac Loi]

Hello Hoaly,

I read quickly through the two essays and found many misspelling mistakes. Would you check the essays and see if you can remove all these mistakes? In addition, please do not use "etc...". You should also eliminate all ellipses as well. We have discussed that before. I will work on your essays after you make the corrections.