Ai vào check hộ ngữ pháp và cách dùng từ với :((

[deochirua]

Ai vào check hộ mình với. Ngữ pháp mình không tốt lắm nên không biết khi nào viết sai nữa =..=. Thông cảm tí bài hơi dài ...
Mình viết ở MLA format ai rành thì check hộ luôn citation . Mấy cái dấu gạch ngang là thay dấu cách , không biết sao ko lùi dòng trong forum dc.

Is the death penalty effective?

-----There are different opinions about this debate but in my opinion the death penalty is not completely effective. Through this essay I’ll talk about pros and cons of the death penalty via some questions below that will show why the death penalty is not effective.
-----A recent study by Professor Michael Radelet and Traci Lacock of the University of Colorado found that 88% of the nation’s leading criminologists do not believe the death penalty is an effective deterrent to crime (M. Radelet & T. Lacock). The people most likely to support the death penalty are middle to upper class conservative, white, male and suburban(Mark Coztanzo 116). Although this is not the group most likely to be victimized by violent criminals.
-----The possibility exist that innocent men and women may be put to death. There are several documented cases where DNA testing showed that innocent people were put to death by the government. For example, in Cameron Todd Willingham case; during his trial, he refused prosecutors' offer to give him life in prison instead of the death penalty. He told them he was innocent, and he wouldn't agree to any deals. As he was strapped down in the execution chamber, just before the lethal injection began, he proclaimed his innocence one last time. He was executed in February 17,2004. After his execution, The Innocence Project has found that forensic science problems were a factor in 50 percent of all wrongful convictions that were later overturned with DNA testing (Barry Scheck). Thus, we have an imperfect justice system where poor defendants are given minimal legal attention by often lesser qualified individuals. Some would blame the court system, not that death penalty itself for the problems, but we can’t risk mistakes.
-----Is the death penalty inhumane? The prisoner’s family must suffer from seeing their loved one put to death by the state as well as going through the emotionally–draining appeals process. Once victim’s innocent family is obviously forced to suffer from a capital murder, but by end forcing a death sentence, you force another family to suffer. Why double the suffering when we don’t have to?
------The death penalty is useless in that it doesn’t bring the victim back to life. Perhaps the biggest reason to ban the death penalty is that it doesn’t change the fact that the victim is gone and will never come back. Hate, revenge, and anger will never cure the emptiness of a lost loved one. Forgiveness is the only way to start the healing process, and this won’t happen in a revenge- focused individual.
-----Death penalty sends the wrong message why kill people who kill people to show killing is wrong. Yes, we want to make sure there is accountability for crime and an effective deterrent in place; however, the death penalty has a message of “You killed one of us, so we kill you”. The state is actually using a murder to punish someone who committed a murder. Does that make sense? We as a society have to move away from "eye for an eye" revenge mentality if civilization is to advance. The “eye for an eye” mentality will never solve anything. A revenge philosophy inevitably leads to an endless cycle of violence. Why do you think the Israeli-Palestine conflict has been going on for 60+ years? Why do you think gang violence never seems the end? It is important to send a message to society that striking back at your enemy purely for revenge will always make matter worse.
-----Is the death penalty cheaper than life imprisonment? Financial costs to taxpayers of capital punishment are several times that of keeping someone in prison for life. It costs from 2 to 5 times more than keeping that same criminal in prison for the rest of his life. The per-execution cost is enormous. In Florida, the average cost is $3.2 million. In Wisconsin, the Legislative Fiscal Bureau has estimated that rein stating the death penalty would cost the state between $1.6 million and $3.2 million per execution. In California, capital trials are six times more expensive than other murder trials ( Mark Coztanzo, 61).
-----Life in prison is a worse punishment and a more effective deterrent. For those people don’t feel much sympathy for a murderer, keep in mind that the death may be too good for them. With a death sentence, the suffering is over in an instant. With life in prison, the pain goes on for decades. Prisoners are confined to a cage and live in and internal environment of rape and violence where they’re treated as animals. And consider terrorists. Do you think they’d rather suffer the humiliation of lifelong prison or be “Martyred” by a death sentence? What would have been a better ending or Osama bin Laden, the bullet that killed him instantly or life of humiliation in an American’s prison?
-----In contrast, sometime it does prevent potential murders. It creates another form of crime deterrent. Crime would run rampant as never before if there wasn’t some way to deter people from committing the acts. Prison time is an effective deterrent, but with some people, more is needed. Prosecutors should have the option of using a variety of punishments in order to minimize the crime. Prisoner parole or escapes can give criminals another chance to kill and perhaps the biggest reason to keep the death penalty is to prevent the crime from happening again. Even if a criminal is sentenced to life without possibility of parole, he/she still has a chance to kill while in prison, or even worse escape and go on a crime/murder spree. So it provides a deterrent for prisoners already serving a life sentence.
-----In conclusion, the death penalty isn’t effective for three main reasons. First, innocent people might be executed. Second, revenge will always make matter worse and it doesn’t actually solve the real problem. Third, life in prison is a worse punishment and a more effective deterrent. In my opinion, no legal system is capable of deciding who should live and who should die in an infallible, even handed way. We should not pretend that ours can.

-----------------------------------------Works Cited--------------------------------------------

Barry Scheck. “Innocent, but Executed “ www.huffingtonpost.com posted: Aug 30, 2009. Access 1 Dec. 2011 < http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barry-..._b_272327.html>.
Mark Coztanzo. Just Revenge. New York: St. Martin’s Press Nov.1997
M. Radelet & T. Lacock. “Do Executions Lower Homicide Rates?” www.deathpenaltyinfo.org . Access on30 Nov. 2011. <http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/study-88-criminologists-do-not-believe-death-penalty-effective-deterrent>.

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[deochirua]

Mình đang định sửa cái mở bài ==. Ai có đề xuất gì không... mở bài ngắn quá

[Virtual Girl]

Hello deochirua,

I cannot help you in this writing, but I would like to change a little bit in the format without your permission, so other people could easily read it. Hope it would not irritate you.

---------


Is the death penalty effective?


There are different opinions about this debate but in my opinion the death penalty is not completely effective. Through this essay I’ll talk about pros and cons of the death penalty via some questions below that will show why the death penalty is not effective.

A recent study by Professor Michael Radelet and Traci Lacock of the University of Colorado found that 88% of the nation’s leading criminologists do not believe the death penalty is an effective deterrent to crime (M. Radelet & T. Lacock). The people most likely to support the death penalty are middle to upper class conservative, white, male and suburban(Mark Coztanzo 116). Although this is not the group most likely to be victimized by violent criminals.

The possibility exist that innocent men and women may be put to death. There are several documented cases where DNA testing showed that innocent people were put to death by the government. For example, in Cameron Todd Willingham case; during his trial, he refused prosecutors' offer to give him life in prison instead of the death penalty. He told them he was innocent, and he wouldn't agree to any deals. As he was strapped down in the execution chamber, just before the lethal injection began, he proclaimed his innocence one last time. He was executed in February 17,2004. After his execution, The Innocence Project has found that forensic science problems were a factor in 50 percent of all wrongful convictions that were later overturned with DNA testing (Barry Scheck). Thus, we have an imperfect justice system where poor defendants are given minimal legal attention by often lesser qualified individuals. Some would blame the court system, not that death penalty itself for the problems, but we can’t risk mistakes.

Is the death penalty inhumane? The prisoner’s family must suffer from seeing their loved one put to death by the state as well as going through the emotionally–draining appeals process. Once victim’s innocent family is obviously forced to suffer from a capital murder, but by end forcing a death sentence, you force another family to suffer. Why double the suffering when we don’t have to?

The death penalty is useless in that it doesn’t bring the victim back to life. Perhaps the biggest reason to ban the death penalty is that it doesn’t change the fact that the victim is gone and will never come back. Hate, revenge, and anger will never cure the emptiness of a lost loved one. Forgiveness is the only way to start the healing process, and this won’t happen in a revenge- focused individual.

Death penalty sends the wrong message why kill people who kill people to show killing is wrong. Yes, we want to make sure there is accountability for crime and an effective deterrent in place; however, the death penalty has a message of “You killed one of us, so we kill you”. The state is actually using a murder to punish someone who committed a murder. Does that make sense? We as a society have to move away from "eye for an eye" revenge mentality if civilization is to advance. The “eye for an eye” mentality will never solve anything. A revenge philosophy inevitably leads to an endless cycle of violence. Why do you think the Israeli-Palestine conflict has been going on for 60+ years? Why do you think gang violence never seems the end? It is important to send a message to society that striking back at your enemy purely for revenge will always make matter worse.

Is the death penalty cheaper than life imprisonment? Financial costs to taxpayers of capital punishment are several times that of keeping someone in prison for life. It costs from 2 to 5 times more than keeping that same criminal in prison for the rest of his life. The per-execution cost is enormous. In Florida, the average cost is $3.2 million. In Wisconsin, the Legislative Fiscal Bureau has estimated that rein stating the death penalty would cost the state between $1.6 million and $3.2 million per execution. In California, capital trials are six times more expensive than other murder trials ( Mark Coztanzo, 61).

Life in prison is a worse punishment and a more effective deterrent. For those people don’t feel much sympathy for a murderer, keep in mind that the death may be too good for them. With a death sentence, the suffering is over in an instant. With life in prison, the pain goes on for decades. Prisoners are confined to a cage and live in and internal environment of rape and violence where they’re treated as animals. And consider terrorists. Do you think they’d rather suffer the humiliation of lifelong prison or be “Martyred” by a death sentence? What would have been a better ending or Osama bin Laden, the bullet that killed him instantly or life of humiliation in an American’s prison?

In contrast, sometime it does prevent potential murders. It creates another form of crime deterrent. Crime would run rampant as never before if there wasn’t some way to deter people from committing the acts. Prison time is an effective deterrent, but with some people, more is needed. Prosecutors should have the option of using a variety of punishments in order to minimize the crime. Prisoner parole or escapes can give criminals another chance to kill and perhaps the biggest reason to keep the death penalty is to prevent the crime from happening again. Even if a criminal is sentenced to life without possibility of parole, he/she still has a chance to kill while in prison, or even worse escape and go on a crime/murder spree. So it provides a deterrent for prisoners already serving a life sentence.

In conclusion, the death penalty isn’t effective for three main reasons. First, innocent people might be executed. Second, revenge will always make matter worse and it doesn’t actually solve the real problem. Third, life in prison is a worse punishment and a more effective deterrent. In my opinion, no legal system is capable of deciding who should live and who should die in an infallible, even handed way. We should not pretend that ours can.


References:

1. Barry Scheck. “Innocent, but Executed “ www.huffingtonpost.com posted: Aug 30, 2009. Access 1 Dec. 2011 < http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barry-..._b_272327.html>.
2. Mark Coztanzo. Just Revenge. New York: St. Martin’s Press Nov.1997
3. M. Radelet & T. Lacock. “Do Executions Lower Homicide Rates?” www.deathpenaltyinfo.org . Access on30 Nov. 2011. <http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/study-88-criminologists-do-not-believe-death-penalty-effective-deterrent>.

[deochirua]

Thanks.I don't think helping people would bother them. This debate paper need 1 more citation ( at least 5 )and a longer introduction with stronger thesis statement. It's my job though.

[o0o ga chip 93 o0o]

Question: Is the death penalty effective?

-----There are different opinions about this debate (This phrase is ambiguous. I have no clue which "debate" you are referring to.) but in my opinion the death penalty is not completely effective. Through this essay I’ll talk (We cannot talk through an essay, we can only write or present our ideas through it.) about pros and cons of the death penalty via some questions below that will show why the death penalty is not effective.

My opinion: Your question requires a argumentative essay, an essay that presents your stance about a topic and evidences/arguments to support your stance. Therefore, you should not propose questions to the readers but evidences to persuade them. Here is my rewriting of your introduction: "The death penalty has been a controversial debate on whether it is effective to deter future crime. Even though quite a few people advocate the death sentence, I am totally convinced that it is not effective. In this essay, both pros and cons of the debate will be examined to show my stance."

-----A recent study by Professor Michael Radelet and Traci Lacock of the University of Colorado found that 88% of the nation’s leading criminologists do not believe the death penalty is an effective deterrent to crime (M. Radelet & T. Lacock). The people most likely to support the death penalty are middle to upper class conservative, white, male and suburban(Mark Coztanzo 116). Although this is not the group most likely to be victimized by violent criminals (So what? The people who support the death penalty are most likely not the victims of capital crime. How his reason can support your thesis that the death penalty is ineffective? In addition, "Although this is not the group most likely to be victimized by violent criminals" is not a sentence but a dependent clause.)

-----The possibility exist (exists) that innocent men and women may be put to death. There are several documented cases where DNA testing showed that innocent people were put to death by the government. For example, in Cameron Todd Willingham (add: 's) case; (why do you use a semicolon in here instead of a comma?) during his trial, he refused prosecutors' offer to give him life in prison instead of the death penalty. He told them he was innocent, and he wouldn't agree to any deals. As he was strapped down in the execution chamber, just before the lethal injection began, he proclaimed his innocence one last time. He was executed in February 17,2004. After his execution, The Innocence Project has found that forensic science problems were a factor in 50 percent of all wrongful convictions that were later overturned with DNA testing (Barry Scheck). Thus, we have an imperfect justice system where poor defendants are given minimal legal attention by often lesser qualified individuals. Some would blame the court system, (delete comma) not that (the) death penalty itself for the problems, but we can’t risk mistakes (but we cannot risk a person's life)
.
-----Is the death penalty inhumane? The prisoner’s family (What prisoner? Suggested version: The family of wrongly sentenced criminal) must suffer from seeing their loved one (add: being) put to death by the state as well as going through the emotionally–draining appeals process. Once victim’s innocent family is obviously forced to suffer from a capital murder, but by end (delete: end) forcing a death sentence, you force another family to suffer. Why double the suffering when we don’t have to? (Please do not address your readers in your writing.)

------The death penalty is useless in that (delete: in that. Add: because) it doesn’t bring the victim back to life. Perhaps (In argumentative essay, "perhaps" is a weak words to state your reason.) the biggest reason to ban the death penalty is that it doesn’t change the fact that the victim is gone and will never come back. Hate, revenge, and anger will never cure the emptiness of a lost loved one (of a victim's family). Forgiveness is the only way to start the healing process, and this won’t happen in a revenge-focused individual.

-----Death penalty sends the wrong message why kill people who kill (killed) people to show killing is wrong (I initially could not understand this sentence. Suggested version: Why execute people who has killed their fellowmen to show that killing is wrong?). Yes, we want to make sure there is (add: an) accountability for crime and an effective deterrent in place (for it); however, the death penalty has a message of “You killed one of us, so we kill you”. The state is actually using a murder (murdering) to punish someone who committed a murder. Does that make sense? We as a society have to move away from "(add: an)eye for an eye" revenge (Delete: revenge. This word is redundancy. "An eye for an eye" already means revenge seeking.) mentality if (add:a) civilization is to advance. The “eye for an eye” mentality will never solve anything. A revenge philosophy inevitably leads to an endless cycle of violence. Why do you think the Israeli-Palestine conflict has been going on for 60+ years? Why do you think gang violence never seems the end? It is important to send a message to society that striking back at your enemy purely for revenge will always make matter worse.

-----Is the death penalty cheaper than life imprisonment? Financial costs to taxpayers of capital punishment are several times that of keeping someone in prison for life. It costs from 2 to 5 times more than keeping (to keep) that same criminal in prison for the rest of his life. The per-execution cost is enormous. In Florida, the average cost is $3.2 million. In Wisconsin, the Legislative Fiscal Bureau has estimated that rein stating the death penalty would cost the state between $1.6 million and $3.2 million per execution. In California, capital trials are six times more expensive than other murder trials ( Mark Coztanzo, 61).(It would make your point clearer if you give a concluding sentence for this paragraph.)

-----Life in prison is a worse punishment and a more effective deterrent. For those people don’t feel much sympathy for a murderer, keep in mind that the death may be too good for them. With a death sentence, the suffering is over in an instant. With life in prison, the pain goes on for decades. Prisoners are confined to a cage and live in and internal environment of rape and violence where they’re treated as animals(Do you mean the environment inside a prison?). And consider terrorists. Do you think they’d rather suffer the humiliation of lifelong prison (imprisonment) or be “Martyred” by a death sentence? What would have been a better ending or Osama bin Laden, the bullet that killed him instantly or life of humiliation in an American’s prison?

-----In contrast, sometime it does prevent potential murders. It creates another form of crime deterrent. Crime would run rampant as never before if there wasn’t some way to deter people from committing the acts. Prison time is an effective deterrent, but with some people, more is needed. Prosecutors should have the option of using a variety of punishments in order to minimize the crime (add: rate). Prisoner parole or escapes can give criminals another chance to kill and perhaps the biggest reason to keep the death penalty is to prevent the crime from happening again. Even if a criminal is sentenced to life (live) without (add: a) possibility of parole, he/she still has a chance to kill while in prison, or even worse escape and go on a crime/murder spree. So (Therefore,) it (What does "it" refer to?) provides a deterrent for prisoners already serving a life sentence.

My opinion: Did you write this paragprah as a couter-argument (the counter-argument scrutinizes arguments of the opposite stance and later shows that they are invalid)? If it is the case, you should state both opposition's arguments and yours at the beginning of your paragraph.

-----In conclusion, the death penalty isn’t effective for three main reasons. First, innocent people might be executed. Second, revenge will always make matter worse and it doesn’t actually solve the real problem. Third, life in prison is a worse punishment and a more effective deterrent. In my opinion, no legal system is capable of deciding who should live and who should die in an infallible (Infallibly), even (add: in a) handed way. We should not pretend that ours can.


Dear Deochirua,

It's a pleasure to read your writing. I have come to notice your critical reasoning through your essay. However, it sounds like you are "talking" to me instead of "writing" an essay. It's good that you use rhetorical questions to attract readers' attention; nonetheless, excessive use of rhetorical questions makes your writing unpersuasive.


Hope it helps.

Ga Chip