Living outside family is the best choice

[caohoaingoc]

Please help me to repair my mistakes in my essay.
thanks a lot.

In foreign cultural country, it appears that the teenagers and adults have tended to live far away with their families while Vietnamese people 's familes are feasible the combination of from 2 generations over. Living alone or with parents depends on the person's idea and interest. However, I think I like the alone life because it brings to me some advantages such as gaining more experience, more consciousness to ourselves and freedom.

Firstly, when living with family, we only learn the experience which give us to successes despite our relatives filter all evil things. However, if we want to become a real men, learning to succeed is not enough. So, living alone will open to us a new road. On the road, we can meet more failures than others and may be nobody supports; however, they have been equipped us some necessary skills that only old-timers know. From the failures, we draw the lessons and improve our keen intelligence to resolve different the difficulties. Besides, we can organize our life more effectively. We play a owners of familes in role housewives and workers and arrange our time. Summary, living alone has trained us become stronger after meeting failures and managed ourselves.

Secondly, when living indepently, the awareness to ourselves show powerfully. Actually, It is appearent true that we must burden responsibilities from our mistakes and not share with our parents . It creates a sense of reponsibility for all thing we do, leads us to active lifestyles and decreases evil crime. For example, when we were young, we once lost motocycles. That's no problem beacuse new ones will be bought by our parent's finance. Until we make seperate houses, new ones will be paid by our finance. Therefor, we take care of them carefully.

Finally, freedom is more and more because nobody control us tightly like our parents. time in and time out depdend on our favourites. That's perfect despite of no limit, no annoy, no grumble, no rule... we can get up or stay up late how long we like. I comtemplate that we wait what thing is best like that. On the contrast, we will anounce time in and out with our parents and have a interview when we have boyfriends or girlfriends for first dating. It's very tired.

In Conclusion, when living alone, we are provided knowlege from life, learned to respect ourselves and having a ideal space for some one like this lifestyle.

[Bear Lac Loi]

Please help me to repair my mistakes in my essay.
thanks a lot.

In foreign cultural country, it appears that the teenagers and adults have tended to live far away with their families while Vietnamese people 's familes are feasible the combination of from 2 generations over. Living alone or with parents depends on the person's idea and interest. However, I think I like the alone life because it brings to me some advantages such as gaining more experience, more consciousness to ourselves and freedom.

Firstly, when living with family, we only learn the experience which give us to successes despite our relatives filter all evil things. However, if we want to become a real men, learning to succeed is not enough. So, living alone will open to us a new road. On the road, we can meet more failures than others and may be nobody supports; however, they have been equipped us some necessary skills that only old-timers know. From the failures, we draw the lessons and improve our keen intelligence to resolve different the difficulties. Besides, we can organize our life more effectively. We play a owners of familes in role housewives and workers and arrange our time. Summary, living alone has trained us become stronger after meeting failures and managed ourselves.

Secondly, when living indepently, the awareness to ourselves show powerfully. Actually, It is appearent true that we must burden responsibilities from our mistakes and not share with our parents . It creates a sense of reponsibility for all thing we do, leads us to active lifestyles and decreases evil crime. For example, when we were young, we once lost motocycles. That's no problem beacuse new ones will be bought by our parent's finance. Until we make seperate houses, new ones will be paid by our finance. Therefor, we take care of them carefully.

Finally, freedom is more and more because nobody control us tightly like our parents. time in and time out depdend on our favourites. That's perfect despite of no limit, no annoy, no grumble, no rule... we can get up or stay up late how long we like. I comtemplate that we wait what thing is best like that. On the contrast, we will anounce time in and out with our parents and have a interview when we have boyfriends or girlfriends for first dating. It's very tired.

In Conclusion, when living alone, we are provided knowlege from life, learned to respect ourselves and having a ideal space for some one like this lifestyle.
Please help me to (delete: to)repair (fix) my mistakes in my essay.
Thanks a lot.

In foreign cultural country, it appears that the (delete: the) teenagers and adults have tended (the tendency) to live far away with their families while Vietnamese people's families are feasible the combination of from 2 generations over (“While Vietnamese people’s families are feasible the combination of from 2 generations over” does not make sense. Prefer: “while it is not so in Vietnam”). Living alone or with parents depends on the person's idea and interest. However, I think I like the alone life (living alone) because it brings to (delete: to) me some advantages such as gaining more experience, more consciousness to ourselves (what is consciousness to ourselves?) and freedom.

Firstly, when living with family, we only learn the experience which give us to successes despite our relatives filter all evil things (this sentence does not make sense). However, if we want to become a real men, learning to succeed is not enough. So, living alone will open to us a new road. On the road, we can meet more failures than others and may be nobody supports; however, they have been equipped us some necessary skills that only old-timers know (This sentence does not make sense). From the failures, we draw (learn) the lessons and improve our keen (delete: keen) intelligence to resolve different the difficulties (“improve our keen intelligence to resolve different the difficulties” does not make sense. Suggest: “Improve our skills in solving different problems”). Besides, we can organize our life more effectively. We play a owners of familes in role housewives and workers and arrange our time (this sentence does not make sense). Summary, living alone has trained (trains) us (add: to) become stronger after meeting failures and managed ourselves.

Secondly, when living indepently (spelling), the awareness to ourselves show powerfully. Actually, It is appearent (spelling) true that we must burden responsibilities from our mistakes and not share with our parents. It creates a sense of reponsibility (spelling) for all thing we do, leads us to active lifestyles and decreases evil crime. For example, when we were young, we once lost motocycles (spelling). That's no problem beacuse (spelling) new ones will be bought by our parent's finance. Until we make seperate (spelling) houses, new ones will be paid by our finance. Therefor (spelling), we take care of them carefully.

Finally, freedom is more and more because nobody control us tightly like our parents. time in and time out depdend (spelling) on our favourites. That's perfect despite of no limit, no annoy, no grumble, no rule... we can get up or stay up late how long we like. I comtemplate (spelling) that we wait what thing is best like that. On the contrast, we will anounce (spelling) time in and out with our parents and have a interview when we have boyfriends or girlfriends for first dating. It's very tired.

In Conclusion, when living alone, we are provided knowlege (spelling) from life, learned to respect ourselves and having a ideal space for some one like this lifestyle.

--- o0o ---

I’d worked on the first half of your essay and found that the mistakes were too many to fix. On the second half, I only pointed out the spelling mistakes without trying to understand the meanings or to analyze the structures of your sentences.

You seem to know many vocabularies; however, you did not put them together well. The way you put the words together made the sentences almost impossible for an American to guess the meanings. The order of words was not properly arranged.

I suggest you rewrite the essay and use only simple sentences. With every sentence a simple sentence, the essay may not sound good, but at least it will be correct and understandable. Every sentence must have a subject, a verb, and an object. Be sure to pay attention to the spelling.

After you are able to communicate what you mean with each sentence, we will work on putting the sentences together and form a good essay.

Thanks.

[ngoc_diem_131]

In foreign cultural country, it appears that the teenagers and adults have tended to live far away with their families while Vietnamese people 's familes are feasible the combination of from 2 generations over.

In foreign cultural country, teenagers and adults have the tendency to live far away from their families. This may not popular in Vietnam where the family is often the combination of several generations.

Living alone or with parents depends on the person's idea and interest.

Living alone or living with parents depends on our own decision.

However, I think I like the alone life because it brings to me some advantages such as gaining more experience, more consciousness to ourselves and freedom.

However, I would like to live alone. Living alone gives me some advantages such as gaining the experience, raising the self-consciousness, and acquiring the freedom.




Firstly, when living with family, we only learn the experience which give us to successes despite our relatives filter all evil things.

First, we only learn the common experience when living with family. Parents have prevented all dreadful things from us.

However, if we want to become a real men, learning to succeed is not enough. So, living alone will open to us a new road.

However, if we want to be real men, we need to go through more practical experience. So, living alone will open to us a new road.

On the road, we can meet more failures than others and may be nobody supports; however, they have been equipped us some necessary skills that only old-timers know. From the failures, we draw the lessons and improve our keen intelligence to resolve different the difficulties.

On the road, we could face with many failures and learn how to overcome without any help. Failure teaches us the valuable lessons and helps us react quicker and more intelligent to difficult problems.

Besides, we can organize our life more effectively.
We play a owners of familes in role housewives and workers and arrange our time.

We need to arrange our time efficiently because we are not only workers but also owners of the family.

Summary, living alone has trained us become stronger after meeting failures and managed ourselves.

In sum, living alone has trained us to be stronger after dealing with failures and how to manage our time.





Secondly, when living indepently, the awareness to ourselves show powerfully. Actually, It is appearent true that we must burden responsibilities from our mistakes and not share with our parents . It creates a sense of reponsibility for all thing we do, leads us to active lifestyles and decreases evil crime. That's no problem beacuse new ones will be bought by our parent's finance. Until we make seperate houses, new ones will be paid by our finance. Therefor, we take care of them carefully.

Second, we gain our full awareness when living independently. Actually, it is true that we must have responsibilities for all things we do and should not share them for someone else such as our parents, friends, and so on. For example, when we were young, we once got lost our motorcycle. It was not a big trouble because our parents would buy a new one. However, when living alone, we have to accept all responsibilities for our mistakes.




Finally, freedom is more and more because nobody control us tightly like our parents.

Finally, we enjoy freedom when living alone, since our parents could not supervise tightly.

time in and time out depdend on our favourites. That's perfect despite of no limit, no annoy, no grumble, no rule... we can get up or stay up late how long we like.

We go out and come back home whenever we want. And we also get up and stay up late how long we like. That’s a cool life because we need not get annoyed, follow any rule and bear any grumble.

I contemplate that we wait what thing is best like that.
On the contrast, we will announce time in and out with our parents and have a interview when we have boyfriends or girlfriends for first dating.It's very tired.

On the contrast, if living with family, we have to tell our parents about time in and time out or even reveal what happen on the first date with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is really tired.




In Conclusion, when living alone, we are provided knowlege from life, learned to respect ourselves and having a ideal space for some one like this lifestyle.

In conclusion, those who live alone can gain experience, learn how to be responsible and enjoy freedom.

**************************************
I consider this essay as a exercise to rewrite. Sometimes, I am so confused because I cannot catch the writer's ideas. That's why in some sentences, I change slightly some writer's opinion.
Anyway, please give me some comments for this exercise.
Thank you in advance.

[Bear Lac Loi]

In foreign cultural country, it appears that the teenagers and adults have tended to live far away with their families while Vietnamese people's familes are feasible the combination of from 2 generations over.

In foreign cultural country, teenagers and adults have the tendency to live far away from their families. This may not popular in Vietnam where the family is often the combination of several generations. (Prefer: This may not be popular in Vietnam where family members usually stay together, or “where many generations of a family usually stay together.”)

Living alone or with parents depends on the person's idea and interest.

Living alone or living with parents depends on our own decision (prefer: one person’s preference).

However, I think I like the alone life because it brings to me some advantages such as gaining more experience, more consciousness to ourselves and freedom.

However (prefer: In my case), I would like to live alone. Living alone gives me some advantages such as gaining the experience, raising the self-consciousness, and acquiring the freedom. (Prefer: “Living alone allows me to gain more experience in life, to better understand myself (?), and to have more freedom in daily activities,” or “The advantages of living alone include gaining various experiences, being aware of surrounding (?), and having more freedom”)
(I have problem understanding your term of consciousness. Consciousness is used colloquially to describe the state of being awake in contrast of being sleepy or faint. Philosophically, it is about being mentally aware of the differences between oneself and the surrounding hay có những ý nghĩ cao siêu hơn nữa nhưng Bear không hiểu nhiều về Triết Lý)

Firstly, when living with family, we only learn the experience which give us to successes despite our relatives filter all evil things.

First, we only learn the common experience when living with family. Parents have prevented all dreadful things from (happening to) us.

However, if we want to become a real men, learning to succeed is not enough. So, living alone will open to us a new road.

However, if we want to be real men (a real man), we need to go through more practical experience. So, living alone will open to (delete: to) us a new road.

On the road, we can meet more failures than others and may be nobody supports; however, they have been equipped us some necessary skills that only old-timers know. From the failures, we draw the lessons and improve our keen intelligence to resolve different the difficulties.

On the road (prefer: In real life), we could face with (delete: with) many failures and (had to) learn how to overcome without any help. Failure teaches (Failures teach) us the (delete: the) valuable lessons and helps (help) us react quicker and more intelligent (intelligently) to difficult problems.

Besides, we can organize our life more effectively.
We play a owners of familes in role housewives and workers and arrange our time.

We need to arrange our time efficiently because we are not only workers but also owners of the family. (Prefer: We need to arrange out time efficiently because we are responsible for our daily activities.) (I’m not sure what being worker and owner has to do with living alone.)

Summary, living alone has trained us become stronger after meeting failures and managed ourselves.

In sum, living alone has trained us to be stronger after dealing with failures and how to manage our time. (Prefer: Living alone teaches us how to manage our life. It also makes us stronger after having to face failures.)

Secondly, when living indepently, the awareness to ourselves show powerfully. Actually, It is appearent true that we must burden responsibilities from our mistakes and not share with our parents . It creates a sense of reponsibility for all thing we do, leads us to active lifestyles and decreases evil crime. That's no problem beacuse new ones will be bought by our parent's finance. Until we make seperate houses, new ones will be paid by our finance. Therefor, we take care of them carefully.

Second, we gain our full awareness when living independently. Actually, it is true that we must have (the) responsibilities for all things (“all the things,” or preferably, “everything”) we do and should not share them for (blame on) someone else such as our parents, friends, and so on. For example, when we were young, we once got lost our motorcycle. It was not a big trouble because our parents would buy a new one. However, when living alone, we have to accept all responsibilities for our mistakes.
Now, I understand that you are talking about responsibility! If that’s the case, we should use the term responsibility instead of awareness or any other fancy terms.
(Prefer: Second, we would learn how to be responsible for our actions when living alone. We must face the consequences for every thing we do. We cannot blame on anyone else or expect someone to bail us out of troubles.)

Finally, freedom is more and more because nobody control us tightly like our parents.

Finally, we enjoy freedom when living alone, (delete comma) since our parents could not supervise tightly. (Prefer: since our parents are not there to control us.)

time in and time out depdend on our favourites. That's perfect despite of no limit, no annoy, no grumble, no rule... we can get up or stay up late how long we like.

We (could) go out and come back home whenever we want. And (delete: and) we (could) also get up and (or)stay up late how long we like (“stay up as late as we like,” or preferably, just “stay up late”). That’s a cool life because we need not get annoyed (by anyone else), follow any rule (comma) and (or) bear any grumble.

I contemplate that we wait what thing is best like that.
On the contrast, we will announce time in and out with our parents and have a interview when we have boyfriends or girlfriends for first dating.It's very tired.

On the contrast (“on the contrary” or “on the other hand”), if (when) living with family, we have to tell our parents about time in and time out (our schedule) oreven reveal what happen (use past tense or present perfect) on the first date with your (our) boyfriend or girlfriend. It is really tired (tiresome). (Prefer using 2 sentences: On the other hand, when living with family, we have to tell our parent about our schedule. We even have to reveal what has happened on our first date.)

In Conclusion, when living alone, we are provided knowlege from life, learned to respect ourselves and having a ideal space for some one like this lifestyle.

In conclusion, those who live alone can gain experiences, learn how to be responsible (comma) and enjoy (their) freedom.

**************************************
I consider this essay as an exercise to rewrite. Sometimes, I am so confused because I cannot catch the writer's ideas. That's why in some sentences, I change slightly some writer's opinion. (Suggest: use past tense)
Anyway, please give me some comments for this exercise.
Thank you in advance.

--- o0o ---

Comment:

Excellent, Ngoc Diem.

You have taken the initiative to work on a student’s essay while trying to improve your English. I think it’s an excellent idea.

Your corrections were good. The way you broke down the sentence structures was nice. Besides the term “consciousness,” I understood most of your writing.

Good job.

:)

[ngoc_diem_131]

First of all, thank you for your corrections.
Second, I want to talk about the term "consciousness".
I tried to maintain the word choice of the writer. In his passage, I guessed he mentioned ""Na^ng cao nha^n. thu*c'". So I used the term "raise the self-consciouness." And after "raising the self-consciousness", we will learn how to be responsible.
Thank you

[iPropose]

Living alone gives me some advantages such as gaining the experience, raising the self-consciousness, and acquiring the freedom.

Living alone offers me the advantages in gaining life experience on my own, strengthening my self-consciousness (or I'd much prefer "ability to self-awareness/self-consciousness"), and exercising my freedom as a responsible adult.

I think the problem here is that you should not try to translate from the literal meaning of the Vietnamese word to English, like wise vice versa. Think of what you really mean by saying "nang cao y' thu*'c/nha^n. thu*'c" first and see if you can find a word that is the best to describe it.

Regards,
K.