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OoSoOSwtJenna
Aug 8, 2008, 11:28 PM
Needle Are Not Nice

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!" :((:((:((

OoSoOSwtJenna
Aug 8, 2008, 11:34 PM
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." :-SS:-SS:-SS

Dieu_nhac
Aug 9, 2008, 12:03 AM
One night 4 university students were boozing till late and didn't study for the exam which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and disheveled as they could with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the examiner and told him that they had gone out to a wedding the night before and on the way back the tire of their car had burst and they had had to push it all the way back, so they were in no condition to sit the test.

The examiner was a just person so he said, "OK you can have a retest after 3 days." They promised they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the examiner again. He told them that it was to be a special condition test and all four were required to sit in separate rooms for the exam. They all agreed, as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 marks.

Here are the questions:-

Q1. Write down your name. (2 marks)

Q2. Which car tire burst? (98 marks)

OoSoOSwtJenna
Aug 13, 2008, 06:14 AM
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine.

OoSoOSwtJenna
Jan 12, 2009, 08:09 AM
This joke was given by Mr. WildRice, so enjoy it guys. :)


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"


:khi39:Bryan, if you ever ever do the same thing like Mr. Wildrice I swear I will choke you and suffocate you til black and blue. That is the worst feeling ever...Going shopping empty handed. :khi138:

Little_Toad
Jan 12, 2009, 08:25 AM
Hmmmmm, I hate them both....b-(

Bear Lac Loi
Jan 12, 2009, 11:38 AM
Hmmmmm, I hate them both....b-(

Not me, Miss Toad. I don’t hate the girl.

OK, call me conservative, but for goodness sake, she is a girlfriend. What does he expect? If she were his wife, well ... there may be some sort of bedroom obligations, which either wife or husband may have to give in, but girlfriend and wife are two separate species.

And the fact that he was planning a payback really disappointed me! I understand it was just a joke, but I was about to cry.

But there is hope, still. They weren’t married. She can always find a better man.

JK
Jan 12, 2009, 11:48 AM
That's what the "Thanks button" is for..

ThanksForTeachingMe
Jan 12, 2009, 12:54 PM
Bị ký đầu ... đau quá ... :binhsua_12:

Little_Toad
Jan 12, 2009, 01:56 PM
But there is hope, still. They weren’t married. She can always find a better man.

...and he can find a better woman in case that both of them can learn how to love the partner more than he/she loves himself/herself. We should learn to give not to receive, shouldn't we?

Bear Lac Loi
Jan 15, 2009, 01:11 AM
...and he can find a better woman in case that both of them can learn how to love the partner more than he/she loves himself/herself. We should learn to give not to receive, shouldn't we?

Ahhh, Miss Toad, I'm sure you understand the girl more than I.

In the story, what she needed was the emotional need, while it was only a physical need for the man. His wasn’t even a basic need. It wasn’t essential (well … may be).

Emotional need from the girl, on the other hand, is essential. The affect from lacking it is so severe that it can’t be solved by just taking a really cold shower, as the man should have done.

The story didn’t say whether or not she was a wicked lady who meant to let him hang on his own desire. Therefore, I think it is reasonable to assume that she didn’t really intend to do so.

We men sometimes joke about teaser girls, especially when it comes to that. However, some believe that man and woman come from two different planets. Our thinking is so far apart that we sometimes have to compromise and try to synchronize with, instead of forcing our thoughts into each other.

Anyway, I believe that instead of rolling over and slept when realizing that he wasn't going to get lucky, he should just hug the girl as she had requested. It might have made a difference the next day and for many days to come.

Còn nếu không có synchronized được thì chắc phải là

Anh đi đường anh tôi đường tôi
Tình nghĩa đôi ta có thế thôi

cho đến khi,

Rồi bỗng ngừng vui cùng lẳng lặng,
Nhìn nhau bình-thản lúc ra đi.
Nhưng trong khoảnh khắc thờ-ơ ấy,
Thấy cả muôn đời hận biệt-ly.

rồi một hôm nào đó,

Lòng ta tha-thiết đượm tình yêu,
Như cảnh trời xuân luyến nắng chiều,
Mắt lệ đắm trông miền cách biệt,
Phút giây chừng mỏi gót phiêu-lưu ...

Ừ, nhưng đó là ý tưởng tượng của Thế Lữ trong "Giây Phút Chạnh Lòng," còn Bear thì chỉ hiểu xa là xa thôi chứ biết nói gì nữa đâu...


Hmm, I sound like an old man. I guess I am getting there.

:(

Little_Toad
Jan 16, 2009, 08:54 AM
Dear Bear,

I see what you meant and I quite agree. It's completely unhappy for a girl falling in love with a selfish man. However, I hate her not because of that emotional needs but her greedy shopping habit. If she hadn't been too excited with those things, that mean man wouldn't have had a chance to pay her a slap in her face like that.

Qua_Dua_Kho
Jan 20, 2009, 05:59 PM
I have to say something... do you think this really true ???

I see what you meant and I quite agree. It's completely unhappy for a girl falling in love with a selfish man.

ghost
Jan 21, 2009, 12:34 AM
They do, not me.
I don't like the guy, too. Gentling with woman, children or pet is very lovely.
If I don't have enough money, or I don't like to buy,I will say " we will buy in another day? ".

By the way, Mr Bear, your poem storage is xiềng.

Bear Lac Loi
Jan 21, 2009, 04:10 AM
They do, not me.
I don't like the guy, either. Being gentle with women, children, or pets is very lovely.
If I don't have enough money, or if I don't like to buy anything, then I will say, "We will buy them some other day."

By the way, Mr. Bear, your poem storage is xiềng.



What is xiềng?

:o

blue_moons_1
Jan 21, 2009, 09:51 AM
Xiềng = very cool/ impressive
It's one of those Vietnamese slang words, Mr Bear.

Bear Lac Loi
Jan 21, 2009, 09:46 PM
Xiềng = very cool/ impressive
It's one of those Vietnamese slang words, Mr Bear.
Thanks, Miss Blue.

Vậy mà Bear tưởng "is xiềng" là bị trói buộc, như là ... xiềng xích, which may not be too far from the truth. Hồi xưa Bear có nghe người ta dùng xịnh. Chắc xịnh cũng là cool, phải không?

And thank you, Ghost, for the compliment. Since I'm not good at writing poems, I might as well quote them from the real poets. That's why I memorize lots of them.

:)

ghost
Jan 21, 2009, 09:53 PM
xịn là mới toanh nên rất , ghost nghĩ xịn là rất tốt...
còn xịnh thì.... hông biết là chữ này nghĩa gì . Chắc là xinh nặng thành xịnh

ThanksForTeachingMe
Jan 23, 2009, 03:41 PM
For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.


I suggest replacing the word "my girlfriend" with the word "my wife."

I don't understand ... The boy and the girl weren't married, why were they getting into bed, and why did the girl want to buy things by her boyfriend's money?

And one more thing, if they say goodbye to each other, I will act as a matchmaker for the girl and Mr. Bear. He said that he didn't hate her. :bochay:

ghost
Jan 23, 2009, 04:17 PM
I suggest replacing the word "my girlfriend" with the word "my wife."

I don't understand ... The boy and the girl weren't married, why were they getting into bed, and why did the girl want to buy things by her boyfriend's money?



Because they love each other, ThanksForTeachingMe, or because they're lover.
ThanksForTeachingMe, I wonder are you over 18 years old? http://tienganh.net/images/icons/icon10.gif


ThanksForTeachingMe, what do you think about a girl sleep with a boy before they marry? Created a new thread for discussing it and let me know your mind. ( if this topic is allowed in this 4rum http://tienganh.net/images/icons/icon10.gif)