Sincerity

[iPropose]

I have a very close friend, and although our friendship established only through the internet, we've never met but I know we are as close and understanding as brother and sister. We share many common views and perspectives about life, work, and what nots. There was this one time he came to me with a sunken heart, feeling that he had unintentionally allowed himself opening up to someone more than he should have, and that young innocent girl had fallen in love with him desperately. He felt responsible, he felt that he had committed a crime, although it was never his intention to flirt or court in the first place. He felt he was the bastard who made her cry and despair because he had frankly refused her love. For a long time he tried to make up to the misdeed he's done (or shall he thought) to remain on the friendship course with her; and knowing both of them quite closely, I felt responsible to make sure that she will get on with her life after the bump of love. I don't know, I just sort of feel like I should know to assure in the back of my mind that both of them will be happy regardless of how bad things in life could hurt us.

He is happy, and after a while we each continue to move on with our lives. I see both once in awhile online, more or less just letting one another know we are OK and then move on with our busy lives. Tonight, just like all of the other nights when I can't sleep, I'm sitting here looking at the animated screen of people conversing back and forth and I saw her once again. Only I notice that she's not quite the same person that I used to know. She was flirting with someone, and at first I was quite happy to see her having a good time. But then when the other guy had left the room, she turned around and quite surprisingly to me, admiring her own flirting technique with some other friends. She kept checking on with them whether she sounded sincere enough, and convincing enough. They all had a laugh, commenting how [stupid] the other guy was. And just at that moment, I am not sure if I want to be associate with her any more. I seriously doubt of how she told us that she cried, how desperate she felt, or how sad she felt just awhile back.

I question her sincerity, and I question mine as well as his at the time. He and I, we both felt that regardless of online or real-life, being one's true self is the right way to be. True, we sometimes joke around and give misguided information regarding our personal lives, but that is where the fence is. Throughout the whole ordeal, it might seem like nothing but I know he had a terrible time blaming himself all along, and although I truly thought that he shouldn't be feeling that bad, I sympathized her all the same. I don't feel bad, angry or upset if we really were the subjects of her amusement. I could careless of it. However, I'm sitting here right now and wonder how someone could really have fun and enjoyment on someone else's expense. Is this where the end of the world is? People would just use the opportunity to have a laugh on somebody else's feelings?

Anyways, I messaged her asking the same question and have yet to have an answer. I am disappointed to know that my sincerity of a friendship had been used and abused. And I don't know how many poor souls out there now getting a prank call in the middle of the night. :-<