Is it okay to date a close friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

[gdpt-]

Is it okay to date a close friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? Why or why not? Please elaborate...

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:welcome1:

[snowdrop_14]

There is not an absolute answer to this question. It's depends on the situation, how much will it has an effect on your friend emotionally, and how much your friend means to you. Friends usually don't date friend's ex. However, there's always an exception. Be sensitive to your friend and somewhat seeking for permission if you don't want to lose a friend. The answer is most likely to be "yes to date", if their broke up was mutual. Lots of time people breaking up because they are not compatible. If this is the reason, then your friend should be able to bless you, and may also give you advice for the future. However, if it was an ugly broke up and your friend objected to the idea, don't date him or her at all. Will you still pursue and date this person? If so, you will risk losing this close friend. Is he or she worth it? My recommendation to you is to avoid this at all cost, if it's possible. I'll guarante you that it will hurts people's feeling, including your, and it will causes lots of unnecessary drama and headache. :sad_no: :nono:

:eat: popcorn?


feedback are welcome :feedback:

[gdpt-]

I think Snow brought up a good point about "seeking for permission." I think, in some levels, if you are going to pursue a relationship with your close friend's ex, the least you can do is obtain your friend's consent. Like Snow previously stated, if the break up is "mutual," then it shouldn't be a problem. However, if... say... your friend's X broke up the relationship because (he/she) discovered (his/her) feelings for you... what now? You can't control feelings, right? What if, by saving a "friendship," you are giving up a chance on potential love and soul mates? A close friend should be considerate of your feelings. Unless the break up was due to cheating and/or mistreating, your "close friend" shouldn't be reluctant to give you (his/her) blessings. But hey, not all cases of "dating a close friend's EX" are negative. If everything works out, you can seek for advice from your friend... and if, for some strange reasons, things don't work out... you can always get together with your friend and badmouth (him/her). :brows:

Should we risk a friendship for a chance at love? Keep in mind that you do not spend the rest of your life with your "friend." You start a family with your Love, grow old with your Love, and your future revolves around your Love. But wait... who and where do you turn to when your relationship with your "Love" doesn't work out? *gasp* Yes... your friend (or for others, a sanctuary to be left alone). So should we jeopardize a friendship for a relationship?

I'm not a relationship expert... but I can tell you that a friend who objects to your happiness isn't a friend at all.
:bochay:

[Handsome Bear]

If the break up was mutual then I should stay with my friend and stay away from his ex for a while. And so should he. Mind you, there may be a good possibility that they may get back together after a few short months. :hug:

Would I date her? Yes, but only if I could, and not until after a long period of time, when the fire between them has die down to the minimum. In another word, only if it is by chance that we meet, and the relationship starts from ground zero (or just a tiny bit above that). Yes, I would mention this relationship to my good old buddy, but I'm not under any moral obligation to ask for his permission or approval. In my heart, I hope he would understand. It would be great if he just congratulates us and tells us that he doesn’t mind hanging around as friend. :smile_yes:

Oh yes, he must also understand that it is now his turn to keep his hands in his pockets when she’s around.


:thankyou:

[HcVcT]

There is not an absolute answer to this question. It's depends (incorect verb tense) on the situation, how much will it has (question form & incorrect verb tense) an effect on your friend emotionally, and how much your friend means to you. Friends usually don't date friend's ex. However, there's always an exception. Be sensitive to your friend and somewhat seeking (incorrect verb tense) for permission if you don't want to lose a friend. The answer is most likely to be "yes to date" (wrong use of quotation), if their broke up (broke-up is not a word) was mutual. Lots of time people breaking up (wrong use of verb tense) because they are not compatible. If this is the reason, then your friend should be able to bless (wrong choice of word) you, and may also give you advice for the future. However, if it was an ugly broke up (broke up is not a word) and your friend objected to the idea, don't date him or her at all. Will you still pursue and date this person? If so, you will risk losing this close friend. Is he or she worth it? My recommendation to you is to avoid this at all cost, if it's possible. I'll guarante (spelling) you that it will hurts (wrong verb tense) people's feeling, including your (wrong pronoun), and it will causes (incorrect verb tense) lots of unnecessary drama and headache. :sad_no: :nono:

:eat: popcorn?


feedback are welcome :feedback:

Cho mình mạo mụi làm correction nha. Please feel free to correct my correction. We're all learning... :brows:

There is not an absolute answer to this question. It depends on the situation, how much it will have an effect on your friend emotionally, and how much your friend means to you. Friends usually don't date friend's ex. However, there's always an exception. Be sensitive to your friend and somewhat seek for permission if you don't want to lose a friend. The answer is most likely to be "yes" to "date", if their break-up was mutual. Lots of time people break up because they are not compatible. If this is the reason, then your friend should be able to give his/her blessing, and may also give you advice for the future. However, if it was an ugly break-up and your friend objected to the idea, don't date him or her at all. Will you still pursue and date this person? If so, you will risk losing this close friend. Is he or she worth it? My recommendation to you is to avoid this at all cost, if it's possible. I'll guarantee you that it will hurts people's feeling, including yours, and it will cause lots of unnecessary drama and headache. :sad_no: :nono:

--o0o---
Now, here's my view... :tease:

I think there's a big difference in view between women and men. Men are more "territorial". Maybe I'm old school, but I can't be with someone who had been with my friend. Everytime I am intimate with her, I would think of my friend and whatever they had between them. That would be worse than voodoo. It is true, sometimes, that what (or who) I don't know won't hurt me. I don't want to be friend with any of my girl's ex'es, nor do I want to be with any ex'es of my friends. He he he, that's just my own rule. Simple! No confusion there!:salute:
Now, for the ladies, I tend to take the opposite view. It doesn't matter if I am someone's ex. If she likes me and I like her, we can proceed (with or without my ex's blessing, since I intend to be her best friend anyway). :hug:
Am I being a sexist ??? hmmm... :brows:

[snowdrop_14]

Oh no,... not the red ink.:saad:.. It gives me PTSD (post-traumatic Stress Disorder) from school.:eeek:.. no please :sad_no: no red ink.. thanks for the corrections Mr. Huu but no NO, Not that RED INK ever again :sad_no::bash:

:eat:popcorn?

[gdpt-]

"I don't want to be friends with any of my girl's ex'es, nor do I want to be with any ex'es of my friends. "


One word (with many sounds): Hahahaaaaaaa!

"It is true, sometimes, that what (or who) I don't know won't hurt me."

I think this brings up a good question. Is our past important? When we date someone, or possibly start a potential future with that person, do we need to know about their past relationships? How important are our past experiences? I used to date a guy who couldn't care less about my past (though I did catch him snoopin' around at times). He'd say "whatever is in the past, is in the past. We're in the present and that's all that matters." Well, truthfully, although he felt that way, I was still curious about HIS past. I was curious about who HE'd dated, especially his experiences with his past loves. Am I just nosy or is it natural to feel that way? Well, how important is it... really? Can we apply the "what we don't know can't hurt us" theory in a relationship?

OKay okay, let's not get side track. LOL.
I'm lookin' forward to readin' your story, Handsome. =]

:eat: Yes snow, I want some popcorn.

[JK]

It depends on the circumstances, and people involved in the situation. I myself personally would NOT date a friend's or relative's ex. I have the same reasons as Mr Huu.

[murielle9]

I don't know if I would date a friend's or relative 's ex. But I won't be mind if my close friend or not becaus I am not in this situation. But , I think the people may have a date with his/ her close friend's ex if they fall in love. Why not.
I remember of what my mother says every time when the people fall in love or divorce. " co'n duyên co'n no* thi o*? mà hê't duyên hêt no*. thi xa. So if my close friend have a date with my ex I would hope he or she will be happy.
My ex was not good or not compatible for me but may be good and compatible for my close friend.

Why we don't accept our close friend have a date with our ex who is not wife or husband us any more. If we don't accept seeing them together because we are selfist. If we are a best friend , we just bless them that's all.

It's my opinion

[Bear Lac Loi]

Holy cow, I remember this topic, which triggered my story “The Triangle.” Has it been a year already?

By the way, Murielle, there are few mistakes in your writing. You may want to edit it a bit, then I'll fix it for you later. I'm gonna be out of town for few days.

:)

[m_la_m]

Here's my opinion on this this topic, regardless if you are a man or a woman. If that's your friend's ex, stay away.....you never want the thoughts of the person being with your friend haunt you. I think it is ok to be friends but keep a fine line as to where that might lead. For me this is call self control. I don't want to be with the person that has anything to do with my friends and it makes it even worse if that is my close friends. Everyone, have their own thoughts on this topic but then again it's you who can control your own actions.

[ThanksForTeachingMe]

Grammar is not important.


Cho mình mạo mụi làm correction nha. Please feel free to correct my correction. We're all learning... :brows:


I agree with thầy Hữu. :brows:

This is such an interesting topic. I'd love to read some more opinions. :)

[murielle9]

does edit have the same meaning with revise Bear ? I'm waiting for your correction. Great, My English writing will improve someday in this way.
I will overcome my story book about my life when I get the English writing skills.

[Bear Lac Loi]

I don't know if I would date a friend's or relative 's ex. But I won't be mind if my close friend or not becaus I am not in this situation. But , I think the people may have a date with his/ her close friend's ex if they fall in love. Why not.

I remember of what my mother says every time when the people fall in love or divorce. " co'n duyên co'n no* thi o*? mà hê't duyên hêt no*. thi xa. So if my close friend have a date with my ex I would hope he or she will be happy.

My ex was not good or not compatible for me but may be good and compatible for my close friend.

Why we don't accept our close friend have a date with our ex who is not wife or husband us any more. If we don't accept seeing them together because we are selfist. If we are a best friend , we just bless them that's all.

It's my opinion

I don't know if I would date a friend's or relative's ex. (comma) But I won't be (delete: be) mind if my close friend (add: does) or not because I am not in this situation. But, I think the (delete: the) people may have a date with his/her close friend's ex if they fall in love. Why not.

I remember of (delete: of) what my mother says every time when (replace “when” with “she sees”) the (delete: the) people (add: either) fall in love or divorce. "Còn duyên còn nợ thì ở, mà hết duyên hết nợ thì xa.” So if my close friend have (had) a date with my ex (comma) I would hope he or she will (would) be happy.

My ex was (might) not (add: be) good or not (delete not) compatible for (with) me (comma) but (add: he) may be good and compatible for (with) my close friend.

Why we don't accept our close friend have (having) a date with our ex who is not (no longer our) wife or husband us any more (delete: us any more). If we don't accept seeing them together because we are selfist (selfish). (comma) (add: or) If we are a (delete a) best friends, we (add: should) just bless them (period) that's all.

:-)

[murielle9]

Hi Bear,

I'm always happy to see your correction. It encourages me to write more.

I would like to understand further the verb you used in this sentence below when you corrected me.

Why do we use the verb may instead was ? Mostly we were married; she or he was husband or wife, bf or gf before. the fact was real.
Or we have to use may because of the following sentence (I just want to understand it well because I will write in antoher context and want to use it correctly. )

My ex was (may) not (add: be) good or not compatible for (with) me (comma) but (add: he) may be good and compatible for (with) my close friend.

Thanks in advance.

[Bear Lac Loi]

Hi Bear,

I'm always happy to see your correction. It encourages me to write more.

I would like to understand further the verb you used in this sentence below when you corrected me.

Why do we use the verb may instead was ? Mostly we were married; she or he was husband or wife, bf or gf before. the fact was real.
Or we have to use may because of the following sentence (I just want to understand it well because I will write in antoher context and want to use it correctly. )

My ex was (might) not (add: be) good or not (delete: not) compatible for (with) me (comma) but (add: he) may be good and compatible for (with) my close friend.

Thanks in advance.

Hi Murielle,

The term “to be” is a definite term while “may be” is a suggestive term.

If you said, “My ex was not compatible with me” then it’s OK. However, since you said “My ex was not good or compatible,” I prefer to use a suggestive term because we don’t really want to say that the ex was absolutely not good. “He might not be good” is a better term. Your ex would appreciate that.

The revised sentence become: "My ex might not be good or compatible with me, but he may be good and compatible with my close friend."

Using “was” was grammatically correct. It was just the tone of the sentence that I would like to change.

:-)

[weoco]

I'd wait until my friend is with another person for at least a year, then I can pursue his ex.

Time is key here.

I know a guy who dated the oldest sister, and later married the youngest sister. It's kind of odd, but things happen because sometimes our hearts control our heads.